So basically my day consists of

Nerding out on pokemon.

Playing the bongos.

Pokenerding out again.

I feel like I'm in seventh grade again.

except in seventh grade the only instrument I played was my penis¹

-Marlon.

1.Who am I kidding? I didn't hit puberty 'till I was 17.

but you know what I did hit? Pogs²

2.No, I wan't cool enough to play pogs either

m.

.thelookofdistress.

okokok

It's gonna be go time in like 4 hours.

I'm cool with that, I'm fine.

I SAID I'M FINE, MAN!!!

-Marlon

Grr..

You know what I hate, blogger?

Insecurity. People need to start liking themselves, girls especially.

Also, I think we need to stop raising them to believe their most important quality is their beauty.

It's too subjective, too intractable, too fleeting, and too inconsequential.


...Not that I think it doesn't matter at all,
-Marlon

I'm going to admit this.

I'm scared.

I'm really scared.

I realize that being scared has never helped me --or, arguably, anyone--and is, for all intents and purposes useless, but here I stand.

You know, I think it's because, for the majority of my life, I've been able to pretty accurately gauge how much I'll enjoy something before I do it -and I'm not talking some self-fulfilled prophecy crap, I've got it down to a science, to a mathematical friggin equation- and through that knowledge been able to plan my possible reactions and whatnot to maximize the pleasurably of the experience. Wow, long sentences. I like knowing (to reasonable extents) what's going to happen before it does (or that is, knowing the situation I'm in), I like planning, I REALLY do; in fact, it makes NO sense why I love improvisation so much and why I'm so bad at chess. This time, I have NO idea what I'm getting into and it worries me.

Here's some backstory:

I've given some people the impression I'm a funny guy through some appearances at an open mic night, whatever. So one of these people was like, "Hey I put together this Monday night comedy show because people in our community need activities and entertainment and whathaveyou. How would you like to be in it?" So I with my pathological compulsion to take anything thrown at me/ addiction to new experiences say "ffffuokay"

So here I go to a show with comedians who think up jokes and write them down and practice them as a guy who improvises songs on guitar. Just me. Alone. On stage. With God knows how many people. Really the dynamic of working with other people changes the flow dramatically.

The outcome all depends on the audience and whatever mental state I'm in at the time, it's not even a coin toss, it's like throwing a handful of 20-sided dice.

I hope it's a big audience, small ones worry me.

-Deep Breaths Marlon

DAY 2 is always the hardest (exclidung the last few)

I have some stuff I want to write about, but I may not be able to before midnight so here's three sentences for the quota. I actually sort of forgot what it was I wanted to write about but I remember the strong urge to write, it's one of those ideas you¹ get in the shower that sort of disappears when you get out regardless of how passionate you were at the time. Um, refrigderator.


-Marlon


1. I

PHEW

Praise God in all his eternal mercy!

That essay wasn't due today. I don't know about you, but I feel good, man!

There is still hope for me.

In other news: I don't feel like leaving my bed today, but I want to. If that makes sense. . .


-Marlon needs to work his way back up to full-length blogs.