I'm going to admit this.

I'm scared.

I'm really scared.

I realize that being scared has never helped me --or, arguably, anyone--and is, for all intents and purposes useless, but here I stand.

You know, I think it's because, for the majority of my life, I've been able to pretty accurately gauge how much I'll enjoy something before I do it -and I'm not talking some self-fulfilled prophecy crap, I've got it down to a science, to a mathematical friggin equation- and through that knowledge been able to plan my possible reactions and whatnot to maximize the pleasurably of the experience. Wow, long sentences. I like knowing (to reasonable extents) what's going to happen before it does (or that is, knowing the situation I'm in), I like planning, I REALLY do; in fact, it makes NO sense why I love improvisation so much and why I'm so bad at chess. This time, I have NO idea what I'm getting into and it worries me.

Here's some backstory:

I've given some people the impression I'm a funny guy through some appearances at an open mic night, whatever. So one of these people was like, "Hey I put together this Monday night comedy show because people in our community need activities and entertainment and whathaveyou. How would you like to be in it?" So I with my pathological compulsion to take anything thrown at me/ addiction to new experiences say "ffffuokay"

So here I go to a show with comedians who think up jokes and write them down and practice them as a guy who improvises songs on guitar. Just me. Alone. On stage. With God knows how many people. Really the dynamic of working with other people changes the flow dramatically.

The outcome all depends on the audience and whatever mental state I'm in at the time, it's not even a coin toss, it's like throwing a handful of 20-sided dice.

I hope it's a big audience, small ones worry me.

-Deep Breaths Marlon